A Not So Swift Reply

Ms. Raver,

I doubt I’ll be able to respond to all of your questions, but I’ll do my best to quickly respond to the ones to which I have a quick response or, frankly, something upon which to say (was that sentence English? I hope so. The phrases “to which [insert stuff]” and “something upon which” have always fascinated me. They make writers sound highly learned, the kind who know not to split an infinitive. That being said, I tend to find the work of such writers very boring. It makes me now wonder if those that translate the likes of Murakami do so following all of our archaic—read: snobby—for of English or in a loose manner so that all may access Mr. Murakami’s brilliance). While I’m on this topic of the English language, and ironically enough, speak to the parenthetical that preceded this sentence, what are your thoughts on footnotes? I am in the middle of Crazy Rich Asians, which has been a lot of fun, but the footnotes are driving me absolutely crazy. Now, I know I can just ignore them, but by the virtue of their very existence, I keep stopping to read his explanations for various foreign phrases. Junot Diaz doesn’t do stuff like that and I don’t mind not knowing what the heck is going on. A reader gets the sense of it. If I really need to know what on earth you are talking about, don’t make it a footnote and just add a parenthetical for me so I can keep reading without all of this starting and stopping (and, by the way, I know this is the pot calling the kettle black because my parentheticals probably should just be sentences but who cares. If you are reading our stuff you are a friend or a random person in Indonesia or Brazil wondering whether you can have this domain name. Answer: You can’t. We’re still alive.)

Now that that is out of the way, on to some Taylor:

Answer 1/2: It is impossible to choose highlights to a show that was ultimately a two-hour show consisting of flashing lights and flashy hits. My favorite performance was probably Blank Space, but that was the third song and to say that was the highlight of the show would be belittling all of the other things that happened on stage. So to your question, I have no idea what the other highlights are. Ask one of the other 49,999 people who were in attendance. Did she do any of her old hits? Other than the bastardized version of Love Song, I cannot differentiate between her old stuff and new stuff. It is just stuff.

Answer 6: I did not read that Lena Dunham thought it was weird that she and the artist of her generation were friends. I imagine they talk about how cool it is to be famous and have all of these fans. I myself wonder how an army of Lena fans would do against an army of Taylor fans in a street fight. I doubt it would be much of a fight, that the human wave tactic with the never-ending onslaught of teen girls would singing Bad Blood would overwhelm the Lena fans, but maybe the Lena fans would be smart enough to ensure it was not a fair fight? Maybe have hidden weapons or something to that effect?

Answer 12: Hey, Jude is on my list of all-time favorite songs, as is With a Little Help (From My Friends) and some Simon & Garfunkel songs. Now, they all slot in the mid-20s, of my all-time favorites, but they exist. They just are as newer songs like If You’re Gone, Summer and anything Rihanna touches.

Answer 13: I was born on a 13th and therefore do not think it is an unlucky number. In fact, I often tell people I was almost born on a Friday the 13th (it was a Saturday the 13th I believe). This statement, however, is completely incorrect. I was almost born on a Friday the 12th, which is no big deal at all. Makes for a much less interesting story frankly, so better to keep with the original story, which is now more of a lie because I now that it is, in fact, a lie.

Answer 17: No, item number 17 on your list did not contain a question, but I feel a correction is in order. I did not dance as if no one was watching. In fact, I danced exactly as if a judgy boyfriend were watching. I also did not mention it to you, but I was also very self-conscious of my height. At least three times I heard the people behind me wonder if people would be standing the whole time—read: blocking their view. I thought about sitting a number of times upon hearing that, thinking that they probably sound as obnoxious as I do when at a concert because, unless you are Rihanna or Taylor, I would rather sit than stand. Sitting is what my body was built for.

OK, that’s about all I have the energy for. I will say that look at me, that’s two posts in two weeks. It’s like I’ve turned a corner.



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